The Dislocation of Our Soul

Jacob wrestled with the angel of the Lord and dislocated his hip; sometimes in wrestling with God, we dislocate our souls. 

We see through a glass dimly – a dirty, marred, and cracked, mirror reflects back at us, blurring and distorting our own images. Yet, through that reflection we try to see God – often judging Him for the things going on in our lives by that reflection. Sometimes we try to pray it away –  some even  try to claim it away. We command and rebuke, or we weep, wail, and beg, but the distorted image of God still remains.

We all have distorted images.

If you think you don’t, then sadly my friend, yours is the most distorted of all.

Remember Job?

Read about Job in Chapter 29

      1      And Job again took up his discourse and said,
      2      “Oh that I were as in months gone by,
As in the days when God watched over me;
      3      When His lamp shone over my head,
And by His light I walked through darkness;
      4      As I was in the prime of my days,
When the friendship of God was over my tent;
      5      When the Almighty was yet with me,

And my children were around me;
      6      When my steps were bathed in butter,
And the rock poured out for me streams of oil!
      7      “When I went out to the gate of the city,
When I took my seat in the square,
      8      The young men saw me and hid themselves,
And the old men arose and stood.
      9      “The princes stopped talking
And put their hands on their mouths;
      10      The voice of the nobles was hushed,
And their tongue stuck to their palate.
      11      “For when the ear heard, it called me blessed,
And when the eye saw, it gave witness of me,                                               [emphasis mine]

Job had long been soul wrestling, and all he could see at this point, was his former blessings. God had watched over him – His lamp had shone over his head – He was a friend of God – the Almighty was with him. People admired him as someone who was protected and blessed by the Almighty. He was a man given great honor and respect.
He then expounds upon on his care for others, which now in his distress, he can no longer do.

Chapter 30 present Job in his humiliation, “But now those younger than I mock me, Whose fathers I disdained to put with the dogs of my flock.” (v 1)….”and now my soul is poured out within me, days of affliction have seized me (v16)…I have become like dust and ashes(v19b)…

I cry out to you for help, but you do not answer me; I stand up, and you turn your attention against me. You have become cruel to me…” 

Job was still wrestling with God – and His soul was dislocated. He had seen through a dimly lit and cracked mirror, and his perspective of God was blurred by a mirror of blessings. His health, prosperity, even his family had been taken from him, so obviously God has removed himself as well. Many of us have been in places where God has felt cruel to us – where we questioned our years of faithfulness and integrity before God, only to be left feeling abandoned, or confused.

I have heard the emphasis of Job’s story too many times –   the latter fortunes of Job were greater than the former – his wealth was restored double – and they were; but from Job’s new, clearer perspective, he tells us what the end the experience of  his suffering produced. I am sure the double fold blessing of wealth, was filthy rags in comparison to the infinite, developing knowledge of God.  Chapter 42:

      1      Then Job answered the LORD and said,
      2      “I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.

      3      ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
“Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”

      4      ‘Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.’
      5      “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
      6      Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes.”

The purposes of God could not be “thwarted.” God wanted to draw Job into a deeper understanding and intimacy with Himself. What does Jesus want for us? A deeper intimacy with Himself and the Father.

Job says he, “declared that which he did not understand.” All the prosperity in the world did not give him a clear vision of God, nor did perfect health; only suffering brought Job to the place where he could see God. His dirty, marred and cracked mirror could reflect a little more clearly the heart, and purposes of God.  He had wrestled with God, and had a dislocation of the soul.  His permanent limp would forever remind him, “I will ask you, and You instruct me.”

Our Plans in God’s Hands Haiti 2011



We spoke at our home church on Sunday, August 15th, and I was privileged to preach God’s Word, and share our hearts to our church family. It is always a honor for me to teach God’s Word, I love to teach. Luke 14 was the topic – what we must comparatively hate, for a full heart commitment to God’s Word.

Our church family heard the cry of our hearts – God’s heart – that we are in a world of pain. One that is in need of love – in action.

There was an enthusiastic response by many – our pastor blessed us with kind words we don’t deserve – and we are pressing on to call He has burdened our hearts with.

The very next day I received an email from the Superintendent of the Assemblies of God in Haiti, interested in our program of training and equipping his pastors, and others, to minister in emotional and spiritual.

We have tentative plans for December. As of now we will be gone over Christmas – serving others in the name of the One who was born, to die.

We are in much need of funds for travel, training materials, and donations, and all of Dave’s time off work is unpaid. God always makes a way.

In the Service of the King,
David and Jamie Grubb

The "Call of God" on Our Lives

The Mayflower II   Homeschooling at its bes

  Joy is in college courses, Levi will be soon, Sam is now 11…Kristen is doing more of my unit studies than I am. I have a lot of gray hair (mostly hidden under dye), cover up my increasing wrinkles with Bare Escentuals, and wear black clothes (they are slimming).Concurrently, I am finally aging to a point of liking who I have become in Christ (complete with my multitude of issues), know God’s hands are, and have been upon my life, and I have learned to fully trust Him – even in the dark and painful times.

 I have become –  an “older women.

 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

 I have been obedient to God’s “call” on my life for over 30 years now as a stay at home mom. It has been a blessing and a privilege to raise my children, and educate them in the ways of the Lord.  As a family we have experienced loss, been made to sacrifice, often charged [by God’s Word] to choose compassion over comfort, giving over our need, others lives over the lives of our children, work over much needed sleep, and the “call” of God, over the desires of our own heart.

To us the “call” was always to obey what we saw in God’s written Word, and apply it to our lives. Caring for widows and orphans meant just that – don’ just read about it – do it. We went from donations to orphanages to Sam. What a blessing that has been – God’s 100 fold blessing upon our giving. Many teachers emphasize give money to God to receive material blessings – we gave to God and got our son, Samuel, from Kazakhstan. He did not add material wealth to our lives – he was another mouth to feed! And he is a treasure and a blessing. We are rich in blessings, indeed.  Which blessing would you choose? Which would God?

We have had a multitude of people into our home, for meals, overnight, and sometimes staying indefinitely; gaining insight, compassion, and wisdom from them all – young and old. We have been prosperous.

Duet. 6 tell us to talk about God from when we get up, until we go to sleep –  and everything in between. Homeschooling our children enabled us to do that. There is a cohesiveness to our family that is lacking in much of society today. We have been blessed, and it has all been by the hand of God and none of our own doing.


A widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man,    having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work.     I Tim. 5:9

I am 51 years old now – and as I begin to approach the “sixty” year mark mentioned, I can see the experience that God has built in to me as a “home-maker” –  the works that He has caused, the love that He has grown, the experience that He has given. Even though I am thankfully not a widow, I would like to think that I would be worthy of being, “put on the list” through my life in Christ.

He has assured me that my devotion to my family, and those good works which He placed in me, and upon my heart, will not be wood, hay, and stubble; but as Rom:8:28 says, they have been according to His purposes and responsible for my “image.” And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

  For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; [emphasis mine]

As my image conforms, my “call” shifts – a metamorphosis – or so I believe. Dave and I are launching into a new world – a new “call”, as we seek God for direction in our crisis and disaster response training and missions.

Much emphasis is placed upon the “call” in one’s life among the Assemblies of God, and that is where this pondering sprang from.As I am in the midst of the credentialing process for licensing, I have had to purposefully seek to understand my life’s direction from beginning to end; and the past is always much clearer than the future. I have earnestly sought to understand the trials and testings we have undergone over the years, the blessings of family, and the many experiences by the illumination of the Holy Spirit.

Does that mean my my “call” has truly changed?

My children are leaving the nest, and we are entering into our latter years, however, our family still is, and will always be, our priority. The “call” as a mother never changes. I will always be the “go to” person, the mender, the confidante, and the comforter (at least much of the time, and with most of my children); however, all the years of ministry to my family has truly worked His purposes by training me for emotional and spiritual care to others. All the years of being a homeschool teacher, has equipped me to be an effective teacher of crisis and disaster response – and God’s Word; all the years of serving in my home and around my home, has taught me how to serve outside my home, and outside my comfort zone.

You learn compassion by being compassionate, you learn love by being loving, you learn how to serve, by serving – all things moms must learn; and as a home-educator, you become educated in all things pertaining to life, by educating your children in those things.

So, to all my younger friends who are in the midst of homeschooling your children, serving within your home and communities – keep up the good work. God is working in you His good pleasure. You are in His mission field, being conformed to His image, doing His Kingdom work. 

Remember to – “show hospitality to strangers, wash the saints feet, and assist those in distress”, and never, ever think you are not fulfilling the “call of God” upon your lives.  

 In Him,
Jamie

Clinical Pastoral Education

Well, I am less than 2 short months away from my first unit of clinical pastoral education. I am very, very excited. I will rotate in several departments, but I have been told the Emergency Department will be one. The experience I will get in a Level 1, Trauma hospital, ED will be INVALUABLE to my crisis response experience. Along with our third world experience, God is moving in our lives to more effectively prepare us for full time missions work.

Who would have ever thought that things like family intensive care stays would result in so many changes in our lives…

The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing.