It’s a beautiful day outside; on days like this I believe I can conquer the world. On days like this all darkness flees and joy is my constant companion. Or she should be. But I am tired. Weary. Wore out. Spent. Done. Physically exhausted. Late sleepless nights have caught up with me. “He gives his beloved rest.” Why don’t I heed the scripture that tells me sleep is good? I mean to – then something comes up – a child, an email, a chapter for my book, Dave… Needs press in from every side and the clock ticks towards midnight. I’d like to sleep late in the morning, but I can’t – life prevents it. Jesus rings a wake up call.
Morning is my tea time with Jesus. If I miss out on my tea and Jesus the day starts out ugly. The combination of Jesus Tea is the 200 mgs. of coffee others need to fuel their mornings. I’ve had a lot of ugly days over my life-time but I’m learning. I don’t want them anymore.Wake up, make tea, sit down on the couch with a Friend and plan your day together. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Talk it out. Cry if you need to. Breathe in, breathe out.
Another delusional idea for many – hanging out with an unseen being. Well, others can have imaginary friends, mine is as real as history proclaims, and a lifetime of personal experience has shown me. I have faith in my not so imaginary Friend that he will always be there for me, and he has. He has my back. Occasionally I fight with him like I do Dave, downright p -d off at why he doesn’t want to accommodate my very important requests. Other days he is more of a lover than I ever imagined I could find in this life. Pure ecstasy wrapped up in unconditional, ever present, love and acceptance. Today is one of those days – I’m physically and mentally tired but my soul is soaring.
This morning we had a long talk, my Friend and I. We talked about the many fears that sometimes plagued me about our future,, because he hasn’t always done what I’ve asked in the past. “How can I trust you now? You’ve let me down before.” I told him I was pretty ticked off that we are this old without any savings or retirement – or even enough money to adequately move forward in a ministry we have devoted to him. I’m sick of stress and struggle, sickness and death. I’m tired of moving and starting over. I’m tired of being tired. I don’t like getting old! Some promise you made to carry my burdens.
He laughed – he laughed hard – he tipped his head back and his shoulders shook with the joy of it. Then he gazed at me and I could see myself reflected in deep brown eyes of grace. And as I gazed even more deeply, there was a mirror in my eyes reflecting his image, and another reflecting me, and another with him, going ever deeper into that dark brown pool, on, and on… I laughed. I laughed hard. We lifted our tea and I toasted to friendship, and he replied, “To love.” It is going to be a good day.